


Unsteady

by 1997_MusicLover



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 00:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9692495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1997_MusicLover/pseuds/1997_MusicLover
Summary: Sometimes life can be too much and when your unsteady you can be blind to what you actually have. Sehun just wants it all to be over with forever, witch is Junmyeon’s nightmare.





	

To say this week was a hell week for Sehun would be the understatement of the year. In reality, this whole year seems to keep getting worse and worse. By now he believes he’s reached the seventh circle of hell and he’s tired.

Sehun is just tired of being alive.

In all respect, he thinks he’s blowing everything out of proportion like he always does – his friends are good to remind of that by snapping at him when he starts to complain. They remind him that he still gets paid, has food, and a roof over his head; that’s all he should need to get through the year. They all say next year. They all say it’ll get better, give it time. He will say that in his defense he did, and in that time his best friend moved back home which is across the world and he never kept in contact. It’s one thing like that after another, quickly followed by more flood water and it never seems to end.

When his few friends left in town started getting tired of his whiny attitude that’s when he put on the mask. Everyone to this minute believes he’s gotten better and living more. He even has Junmyeon – the usually observant, mother-like one of the group – fooled; that hurts the most.

After years of trying, Junmyeon still sees him as only the kid that need guidance and not a man who might be in love with him.

When he adds it all into a list it gets long and depressing; always being looked over for model jobs, being told he shouldn’t even be in a music class because he can’t sing, the harsh criticism of his dance teacher, his job is a hell of a fast food restaurant, he dropped out of college because he couldn’t keep up his grades, first Luhan left, then Tao, and Junmyeon still hasn’t changed his view point on him. With all that and he’s barely scraping by to pay the bills for his studio apartment. Which is a mess of take out and dirty laundry because the depression is so suffocating he can barely get out of bed most days. He keeps the guys out of his place so they don’t see.

When he stops one day and calculates all of this, while sitting on his mattress in the corner of his apartment staring at the mess, he just heaves a sigh.

“Why am I even still here?” The words slip out easily, finally voicing the same thought that has been ringing in his brain for the past week.

With the agency finally saying he was being cut off he didn’t have much to do anymore. His dance classes would have to stop as he can’t pay for them and he’s not in college anymore. The only obligation is his – barely paying minimum wage – job that won’t cover his monthly rent.

If he hadn’t already cried so much in the first few months of the year when Tao left, he might have cried, but as it is he’s spent. He’s tired and he’s done.

In one short year, his whole life went from a happy fun first year of college to the hell of barely being able to even live. It’s then that he decides enough is enough.

It’s a Friday, he’s supposed to be on a morning shift at work but instead he’s sitting on his bed pulling on his boots. There’s also a party tonight, Junmyeon had insisted he show up on time as he wanted to spend the night near Sehun, so he wouldn’t feel alone. Sehun’s sudden plan forming in his head means he’ll be letting Junmyeon down one last time. Parties used to be his and Jongin’s thing – still is Jongin’s thing – but he’d grown tired of everything. If he tried to think about it, he couldn’t even write a small list of things he enjoyed doing.

All he knows now is how to survive and today he’s done doing just that.

He takes an old notebook and flips to a blank page before scribbling out a short note:

To whoever finds this, look I’m sorry for being so whinny this year, things just aren’t working anymore and I’m leaving to try and figure it all out. Don’t look for me. – Sehun

Sehun places the notebook on the counter of the kitchen before getting his light jacket on and snatching up his car keys and phone. With determination he heads out to his car and drives to the very well know bridge in town. Thankfully, it has only ever been linked to their group once.

When Kris vanished, everyone was in a bit of a panic and they all assumed the worst. The bridge was the first place Junmyeon had gone to, fearing the worst. It’s located on the north side of town just outside the forest. Few people travel north so it’s secluded and far enough away from the more backwoods part of town that not even cops come up that far. That’s why almost half the suicide in town happen there. Kris didn’t go there thankfully, he took a plane back home. This time though, if Junmyeon’s mind jumps to this conclusion he won’t be wrong and Sehun hates doing this to him. It almost makes him want to rethink it, but he still feels this is his best plan.

Upon making it to the bridge he takes the side rode – which is really hidden in the trees – down to the river bank. He leaves the car by the tree line, just out of site, and sits there for a second. In spring the water usually rises to the tree line form melting mountain snow, but it’s fall and the river is low.

Sehun stares at the flowing water. He lets his mind go along with the current and move away. As his mind begins to numb, he steps out of the car, tossing his jacket inside. Pulling out his phone he opens up to his gallery to his folder of pictures, pictures of just Junmyeon or Junmyeon and him. He takes a minute to smile while scrolling through them all. He swipes through until the last one faces him: Junmyeon smiling brightly with a birthday cake in hand.

With a heavy sigh he places his phone on his jacket and shuts the car door.

“I guess it’s time.”

 

            “I’m going to get Sehun.” Junmyeon declares while slipping on his jacket.

Chanyeol looks up from his bowl of ramen with a smile. “Going to get lover boy aye?”

Rolling his eyes, Junmyeon swats the back of his head as he walks past to get his car keys. “We’re not lovers, just close friends.”

“What, like me and Baek?” Chanyeol’s tone is teasing but Junmyeon frowns.

“No, just friends.” He turns to glare at Chanyeol. “Stop insinuating we like each other, you’ve been like that all month.”

“Well, maybe,” A wicked grin lands on his face, “I found out something you don’t know.”

Junmyeon scoffs and heads for the door. “I’m the closest with the kid. He’d tell me if he liked anyone, especially me. And he doesn’t like me, he’s more likely to fall for a girl or a guy like Jongin.”

“Jongin is very much taken and do not let Kyungsoo hear you joke about someone else liking him.” He lifts his fork to jab in Junmyeon’s direction for emphasis.

“I know, he’s very protective.” He smiles, still very happy that the pair had made their dating official only a week ago.

Chanyeol keeps his eyes on him as he slips on his boots and heads for the door. Just as his hand touched the knob, Chanyeol shouts out to him.

“What?” Junmyeon furrows his brows as he looks back to see Chanyeol following him.

“Go to his place,” he states, “I heard he skipped work this morning. Thought I’d save you the trouble.”

Sighing Junmyeon thanks him and then grumbles about how Sehun needs to still grow up some more, as he heads out to the parking garage.

 It’s midday, but the sun is hiding behind a gray sky. Not quite a chance of rain, but some dark clouds line the norther horizon that give Junmyeon some chills. He silently hopes that the party will still go well tonight. They’ve never let weather ruin their fun before, but this storm feels different.

Parking the car, he quickly hops out and heads straight up to Sehun’s place.

“If he’s skipped work then he’s probably asleep.” Junmyeon muses to himself as he climbs the stairs, two at a time. He’s a little eager to see him, it’s been a few days with not much contact so he’s hoping to bug him and make him have fun, all in payback for not texting him as much.

A smile is stuck on his face just at the thought of spending time with him. After everything that went down last year and the first few months of this year – Junmyeon finally feels like everything is going right. With getting closer to Sehun he feels like he found the part of himself that Kris had broken. Junmyeon knows Kris meant no harm, but it still hurt, him just up and leaving with only a note. In his opinion, that’s the worst way to say goodbye to someone.

Once at Sehun’s door, he doesn’t bother knocking and just tests to handle to see if it’s unlocked. Not even surprising, the handle turns and he pushes open the door with a huff.

“Sehun, what have I told about locking your god damn door. Someone could break in –” Junmyeon halts his speech as he faces Sehun’s apartment for the first time in, well about a month he realizes.

The place is a trashed mess. Laundry is piled up near one wall, his bed sheets as a knotted and strewn across the bed as he had been tossing and turning more than sleeping, and his small coffee table is littered in trash and take out. The kitchen looks moderately okay, but the lack of dishes and food on the counter makes his stomach turn. Scanning the studio slowly he takes everything and feels the heavy weight of sadness consume him as he walks in.

A shaky hand covers his mouth as he walks around for any sign of Sehun. Checking the bathroom first, he finds in a similar state of depressed mess. With a deep breath in and out he moves to the kitchen.

It only takes him a second to zero in on the notebook on the counter and as his stomach drops he moves for it with determination. He takes the notebook in a death grip as he holds it up to his face.

“To whoever finds this,” He reads aloud,  “look I’m sorry for being so whinny this year, things just aren’t working anymore and I’m leaving to try and figure it all out. Don’t look for me. – Sehun” His names leaves him in a breath and a chocked sob quickly follows. “No, no, no, no, no, no, god please no!”

With furry he throws the notebook across the room and screams.

He rakes a hand through his hair as spins around to scan the apartment again.

“He can’ be gone. No, not him too.” Immediately his mind jumps to the worst case.

Junmyeon sprints to the door and then halts, almost flinching back form the door as he shakes his head.

“No, no don’t’ jump to the worst. You jumped to the worst last time and it wasn’t. Maybe, maybe he went home.” Junmyeon tries desperately to reason with himself, but he keeps seeing the bridge in his mind. He keeps seeing that day over again with Sehun. “No!”

Shaking his head, he walks back into the main room and pulls out his phone. He first tries calling him, only for the phone to ring until it goes to voicemail. Groaning Junmyeon looks at the blinking contact in frustration.

“Wait, do I still have it.” A memory sparks into his mind.

A prank from a while back, when Jongin put a tracker in his phone nada gave him the app to track it. A weird game of hide and seek. All from a bet that Sehun lost that turned into a big prank.

Diving into his app list he has to scroll form a minute before he spots the tracking app. As long as Sehun’s phone is on he can find him.

Junmyeon’s hands begin to shake as he pulls up the app and tracks his phone. He closes his eyes. HE takes deep steadying breaths to calm his heart and shaking hands before slowly opening his eyes.

It take shim a few second to blink before his eyes focus on the screen. The green dot signaling where Sehun’s phone is makes him stop breathing.

“God no. Not the bridge, not the bridge. Fuck!” Spinning around he runs through the apartment door and bolts down the stairs. He takes them three or more at a time, probably spraining his ankle on some jumps, but he makes it to his car in record time.

His actions are violent as he throws open his car door and gets in. He furiously buckles his seatbelt and starts the car before tearing out of the lot. Ignoring the speed limit and a few stop sign he drives straight through every short cut he knows to get to the north side of town. Desperation sets in the closer he gets, his hands gripping the steering wheel tight enough for his knuckles to turn white.

It’s not long before he’s jerking the car onto the side path, the time moving simultaneously too fast and too slow for him.

Junmyeon’s car pulls out, stopping right next to Sehun’s. Panic continues to fill his lungs as he throws off his seatbelt and throws open his car door.

First, he scurries over to Sehun’s car to see if he’s in there. Once he’s sure that he’s not – and he sees his phone sitting in the driver seat – he turns on heal and heads for the river.

“Sehun!” Junmyeon screams and his voice echoes off the rock walls of the river cliff. “Sehun!” Desperation laces his words as he quickly gets to the water’s edge.

His eyes dart over the rushing water surface further downstream and slowly sweeps up to the calmer water before him. The water is deep, he knows cause he’s seen the bottom one year during a drought and the water is murky from the first mountain snow so he can’t see into it, but his eyes are keen and he’s looking for any movement or sign of bubbles.

“God Sehun please, please don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead.” His feet move as he speaks, taking him into the water and the cold bits at his legs doesn’t even affect him as he continues to look.

When the water reaches past his knees he sees a few ripples, then a few bubbles further in. It’s deep. Junmyeon’s never been good at swimming, but instantly as he sees the hint of life under water he’s moving further into the water. Soon his feet aren’t touching the bottom and he sucks in one deep breath before diving into the water.

He keeps his eyes open as best he can, the water is still murky but as he swims to the deep side he begins to see a shape. Mustering up all his strength, Junmyeon goes up for another deep gulp of air, before diving back under and heading straight for the body.

Sehun’s body floats gently under the water, his mouth evidently open and his boy only moving downstream from the soft current still pushing the calm water forward. His soft hair floats around his head, the dyed blonde locks giving him a heavenly look in the dark water. He looks peaceful with his eyes closed, relaxed and at peace.

Junmyeon wraps his arms around his thin frame and yanks him towards the surface. He tries not the notice the feel of Sehun’s ribs under his fingers as he gasps for air and starts swimming towards shore. He’s silently glad he started going to the gym this year or even with Sehun’s underweight form, he wouldn’t have the strength to do this.

With one final push his feet land on dirt and he turns to wrap both arms under Sehun’s shoulders and drag him back. As soon as he has room to lay Sehun on his back without water getting in his face he practically throws him down and drops to his knees beside him.

Without heisting he begins CPR.

“Some on, some on you can’t leave me.” Tears fills his eyes as he stares at Sehun’s pale, pale face. “I can’t lose you!”

He presses his full weight down onto Sehun’s chest, pressing harder with each pump. “If you die on me, I will kill you. So don’t die, you can’t die. I won’t let you!”

Sehun’s form jolts and he starts coughing, water spilling out of his mouth. Junmyeon quickly pushes him – not too kindly – over onto his side and helps him get the water out of his lungs. Sehun’s ragged breathing fills the empty air along with the soft noises of rushing water. He continues to cough for a few minutes as Junmyeon sits behind him, face in his hands and shoulders shaking as he silently cries.

It takes Sehun a minute to come to his senses, and stop coughing all the water out of his lungs. Blinking a few times, he lifts a heavy, shaky hand up to his head as he lays back. His eyes close as he takes a few deep breaths. When Junmyeon makes a choking, sobbing sound his eyes shoot open and he stares at him wide eyes. “Jun?”

Junmyeon quickly rubs his eyes and stands up, storming off. He’s angry, scared, shocked, elated that Sehun didn’t die, but still all the rest. All those emotions mixed together are volatile in a man who usually keeps everything hidden. He’s crying a mixture of sad and angry tears.

“J-Junm-myeon?” Sehun watches him hesitantly pushing himself up to his knees as he faces him. He’s never seen Junmyeon look like this and he’s not sure how to take it.

A scream rips from Junmyeon’s lips and his fist flies out, punching the hood of his car. Immediately, he retracts his hand to his chest and drops to his knees as he breaks into just crying uncontrollably. His body shakes violently and he’s slightly rocking back and forth.

Sehun watches with wide eyed horror as he shivers, curling in on himself slightly.

The air is heavy around them as Junmyeon’s sobbing continues. Sehun can’t move, too shocked by the events before him, by the fact that he had almost died and yet here he was still breathing, and the only person he’s ever wanted is crying his heart out in front of him. He quietly wishes to himself that he had just died so he wouldn’t have to see it.

It’s another few minutes before Junmyeon collects himself. His hand is bruised and should be burning in pain, but he honestly can’t feel much of anything as he stands up.

Sehun’s head is down, water dripping from his hair still as he simply kneels on the edge of the river.

Junmyeon doesn’t spare him a glance as he walks to Sehun’s car, grabbing his keys, jacket and phone. He takes Sehun’s phone and keys and puts then in the dashboard console of his car, while taking off his own soaking jacket and tossing it on the back seat. With Sehun’s jacket in hand he moves to the still shivering male. He throws the jacket over his shoulder and pulls him to his feet. Without out a word he pushes him into the passenger seat of his car and buckles him in before slamming the door.

As he walks to the driver’s side of the car he has to pause, blinking back more tears. Taking a deep breath, he tilts his head back and closes his eyes.

The rain starts slowly, just a few drops on the windshield. Sehun watches them for a second before he sees Junmyeon moving to get in the car, and then his focus is back on him. Junmyeon starts up his car right as the rain starts to really get going.

Junmyeon’s much more carefully driving this time, taking his time as the rain turns into a down pour outside the windshield.

Sehun doesn’t ask where he’s taking him. He just stays silent and hugs his jacket tighter to himself.

They reach Junmyeon’s apartment eventually, longer than usual, but Junmyeon only wanted to get him there safely. Without a word, he takes Sehun’s phone and keys and gets out, slamming the door again. The sound echoes around the parking garage. Sehun’s quick to scramble out of the car, stumbling on his weak legs, but Junmyeon catches him and holds his arm while closing his door. He locks the car and then guides Sehun up to his apartment.

The rest of their friend group is out at the party, by now. Mostly likely wondering where the pair are, but not wondering enough to come and check on them and once Junmyeon is grateful that he’s not one of the one constantly looked after in the group.

Upon entering the apartment, Junmyeon let’s go of Sehun and heads straight for the linen closet. He pulls out a few towels and tosses them to Sehun before guiding him to his room.

The place is eerily silent, apart from the rain on the windows, and Sehun feels his throat closing up as the tension builds thicker and thicker.

Junmyeon hands him some fresh clothes. “Change into these. I’ll make you some food. I’ll have blankets on the couch out there for you, just go bundle up when you’re done so you can get warm.” He doesn’t give Sehun a chance to respond before he goes into the bathroom with a change of clothes and shuts the door.

 Since he doesn’t have much of a choice Sehun gives a heavy sigh before drying himself off and changing into the cloths he was given. It’s as he’s slipping them on that he realizes they’re his clothes. Clothes he’d probably left here once or twice from staying over and they’re clean. His heart aches at the thought that Junmyeon keeps a stash of his cloths here. He scolds himself for never noticing as he moves out to the ling room.

Wasting no time, Junmyeon quickly dries off and changes. He then takes a wash cloths to his face to clean up the tear stains. Looking at himself in the mirror he notices just how horrible he looks: bright red, puffy eyes, messy hair, the worry lines more prominent than most days, and he just feels numb. He stares at himself for a minute longer before collecting some bandages from under the sink. Delicately, he wraps up his hand – that is not starting to sting and throb – and makes sure it’s not broken. Once he’s sure his hand will be okay he exits the bathroom.

He enters the living room to see Sehun had already gotten blankets and was on the couch, bundled up, and staring blankly at the black TV screen. Not being able to stand the site, Junmyeon hurries into the kitchen and makes quick work of making chicken noodle soup and bringing it out to Sehun.

As he sets the soup in front of Sehun on the coffee table he finds himself finally asking the one burning question, “Why?”

Sehun moves his blank stare from the TV to him. It unnerves him slightly, but he’s to numb to look away. “Why did I try and kill myself?”

Junmyeon flinches. “Yes. Why Sehun?”

Sehun sighs, staring down into the soup with dead eyes. “I didn’t have a reason to stay.”

Shattered. Junmyeon’s heart shatters at those words and tears are in his eyes again as he drops onto the couch next to Sehun.

He pulls him into a hug, a death grip as he squeezes him. “God, Sehun, you have reasons to stay.”

“Really? I don’t’ see anyone looking for me.”

“I did you asshole!” Junmyeon shoves him back as he glares down at him.

Sehun lets his body slump against the arm of the couch as he stares at him. “Oh yeah, great the mom came after me and not my best friend? Who’s probably to busy following around his boyfriend to even notice his best friend is dying on the inside? And what about yourself? You didn’t even notice anything was wrong, you were too busy clinging onto me for friendship after Kris left you. Your crush left and so I was your second choice.”

A sharp arrow stabs Junmyeon’s heart as he stares wide eyed at Sehun. He’s heard Sehun mad and cold hearted before, but this was new. It had never been directed at him, and the wounds from Kris are still fresh

“I didn’t do that –”

“You did.”

“Sehun I’ve always –”

“Is this the part where you tell me you’ve always wanted to be friend but where too scared? Or you didn’t realize you loved me until now? That’s cliché and stupid and careless. Don’t be an insensitive asshole.”

“Oh Sehun! You are the one being an asshole right now!” Junmyeon bellows, his face turning from sad to angry in a split second. “Did you really think I was clinging onto you because of Kris alone? You are my best friend aside from him, I thought you fucking knew that! I’ve been hanging out with you more because you’re my best friend and I wanted us to get closer. This group seems to be splitting into couples and I thought maybe we could – shit – I thought maybe we could get closer and we could help each other heal from Kris and Tao, but I guess not!”

Standing up from the couch Junmyeon storms into his bedroom and slams the door, not even noticing the wide-eyed, pale look on Sehun’s face. As soon as the door is shut, he leans against it and slides down. Pulling his knees to his chest he begins to cry once more.

Sehun can hear the soft cries creeping in from the hallway as he himself begins to tear up. He lets the new information sink in, having thought all this time he was second best to Kris in the fact that Junmyeon was simply moving to him because Kris wasn’t here. He never thought, that it could be something more. He feels stupid, foolish, and he begins to hate himself a little more.

Hunger gets the better of Sehun though, and eventually he eats the chicken soup. It’s cold, but it’s something in his stomach. After a while, Junmyeon’s crying stops and Sehun hears shuffling around, but he never comes out of his room. This gives him time to finally think over everything that has happened, what he did, and Junmyeon’s words still ring in his ears.

“Junmyeon,” Sehun’s voice is hoarse as he calls out, “please come out I want to talk about . . . about this.” Sehun furrows his brows as he groans. He’s so stupid.

Junmyeon hears him, and he stands in front of his door for a few long minutes before finally caring and heading to Sehun.

Sehun watches him, eyes still tired but with a little light back in them.

Junmyeon stands in front of the coffee table, arms crossed.

Neither speak for a minute. They hold electric eye contact that Sehun eventually breaks as he looks down to his clenches fists in his lap.

“I’m sorry.” Sehun chokes out. “I’m so sorry.”

Junmyeon’s heart breaks a little more as his whole body deflates.

“I really fucked up this time, I’ve been so . . . unsteady . . . depressed I guess, for so long and then Tao left and I just – I lost myself. I didn’t even notice how much this would hurt you. I thought if I died, it would end and I would either feels something or finally feel nothing for the last time. I didn’t think _any_ of you would’ve come after me until I was long gone. I-I didn’t realize how much, god how much do I mean to you Junmyeon? I mean, after this you have to like me a little less.”

“Fuck no!” Junmyeon finds himself shouting. “Sehun, I love you too much to ever hate you.”

Sehun’s ears perk up at his choice of words, but he keeps his head down.

“And you’re stupid for thinking Jongin wouldn’t care.” He continues. “Jongin would be heartbroken that his best friend didn’t’ come to him for help. The whole group is gonna feel like crap when they find out how much you’ve been hurting and they haven’t even noticed. I mean, you’re a great actor and you’ve had us all fooled. I’ll say I’m sorry you felt the need to keep it all on your shoulder, but I thought we were close.”

“I’m sorry.”

Junmyeon sighs and silence comes back.

A few minutes later Junmyeon quietly speaks, “Sehun, do you know what I see when I picture myself happy?”

Sehun shrugs, still staring at his hands which are now tightly clasped together. Junmyeon moves forward, kneeling on front of him and placing his hands over Sehun’s as he presses his forehead onto his.

“When I picture myself happy, it’s with you. I guess now’s a good a time as ever to finally tell you. I mean, I had planned on finally doing it sometime soon, but . . . I guess you never noticed any of the hints me or Chanyeol had been dropping.”

“You mean it?” Sehun’s voice is weak, thin.

“Yes.” Junmyeon breathes out. He places a delicate kiss to the top of Sehun’s head before standing.

Grabbing the empty bowl from the coffee table he moves to the kitchen and quickly cleans it. Once that’s put up he grabs a water bottle form the fridge and goes back to Sehun.

“Drink.” He demands, pushing the water bottle at him. “I’m guessing from the state of your apartment that you aren’t really healthy.”

A chuckle bubbles from Sehun’s lips as he takes the water bottle. “Well, you aren’t wrong.”

Junmyeon smiles at the little quip.

He settles into the seat next to Sehun, and Sehun finds himself immediately leaning closer to him.

“Talk to me, tell me everything that lead you to this point. I want to hear it all.”

Sehun knows he’s serious, he has always cared to hear what’s wrong with everyone. That’s the reason they all call him mom jokingly. He’s caring enough for two mothers at times. It’s one of his enduring qualities that made Sehun fall for him.

Gently, Sehun reaches out and grabs Junmyeon’s bandaged hand.

“Well, I guess it started with college. I went into it without even knowing what I wanted to do and the classes got harder and more complicated and hated them. It made going to school hard. On top of that I found the agency and at first it was great, but pretty quickly I went from the new fresh face to boring. Then Tao left.” Sehun takes a deep breath as he ponders over the rest. “The agency pretty much stopped giving me jobs so my day job wasn’t cutting enough even with pulling extra hours. I got kicked out of the college a month ago, and never told you guys. I couldn’t show up or keep my grades up so they kicked me out. After that the agency dropped me as I wasn’t pretty enough I just lost it. That was . . . two weeks ago. I have no job – after skipping work today that is for sure – no career, no education, no money, probably not even a home by next weekend, and I just felt so alone and numb. I’m so numb Junmyeon. The only things I’ve felt recently are my love for you, but you always see me as the kid that needs to be taken care of.”

Sehun’s crying by the time he finishes, his voice shaking as he wipes at his eyes. He’s leaning completely on Junmyeon now. His weight being too much for him to holdup anymore. Junmyeon wraps an arm securely around his shoulders and pulls him close. His bandaged hand Sehun is not lightly clinging too and Junmyeon rubs his thumb over Sehun’s hand.

“I’d call you an idiot, but depression can do wonders to the brain and block it from noticing the good things. Let me tell you something,” He leans down, whispering into Sehun’s ear, “I love you. I love you with all my heart. More than I could’ve ever loved Kris if he and I had been dating. You’ve always had a soft spot in my heart. I dote on you so much because of that, not because I think you’re a kid that needs looking after. I worry about you cause you still need a bit of growing up and I want to protect you until you do. I don’t mean for it to come off motherly to you. To the rest of our friends, yes, I’m their second mother pretty much, but to you I don’t want to be that. I love you so much and I’ve been trying to figure out if you love me since April. I understand now why I couldn’t. I’m sorry I never noticed. I promise you, I’m here for you and I won’t let you go. I can’t lose you.”

Sehun curls into him, burying his face into Junmyeon’s soft sweater. Protective arms wrap around him and he lets himself cry softly.

The rain continues to pour outside, forming a nice background noise accompanied by occasional rolling thunder. Soon enough Sehun falls asleep. Junmyeon moves them around so his back is on the arm rest and Sehun’s larger form has more leg room. Sehun curls closer to him in his sleep, one fist clutching to his sweater as he buries his face into it. Junmyeon’s heart flutters at the sight. Brushing his fingers through Sehun’s hair he smiles, content.

Chanyeol texts him at some point during the night, saying he would be staying at Baekhyun’s place since it’s closer to the party and the storm is still raging on. Junmyeon quietly thanks the universe for that.

At some point, he takes Sehun’s phone that he had put down and opens it. The first image makes him smile – less shocked than he would’ve been if they hadn’t confessed their feelings – and a pang of sadness hits him as he realizes this was the last thing Sehun looked at before walking into the river. A wave of emotions chokes him and all he can do is squeeze Sehun’s waist protectively and lays a kiss on his sleeping head. If possible, he feels his love and need to protect Sehun grow stronger.

Junmyeon doesn’t sleep, he stays wide awake keeping an eye on Sehun.

When his phone reads three am, Sehun finally stirs.

Tired eyes blink up at Junmyeon. They stare at each other for a minute as Sehun rubs his eyes.

“Morning . . . wait, is it morning?” Sehun blinks a few times as he sits up.

Junmyeon chuckles, moving his hands to rest behind his head. “Yeah, still pouring outside and storming, but yeah it’s early morning.”

Silence falls over them again, much less tense than before though.

Finally, Sehun turns to Junmyeon. “So, where do we go from here?”

He stares at Sehun, thinking a little more. He’s been pondering just that all night. They’ve both confessed their love for each other so he thinks dating would be a start, but he also wants to push that aside to just do everything in his power to get Sehun back onto his feet. Nodding at the idea he pulls his legs to himself and sits up.

“I want to do everything in my power to help you get better. If that means taking you into my home, getting you therapy, helping you get a new job . . . I will do anything to help you.” Junmyeon stares him dead in the eye, showing that he means ever words he says.

“And me trying to . . . me trying to commit suicide, are you gonna tell the guys?” Sehun’s voice is nervous and shaky.

“No,” Junmyeon lays a hand on Sehun’s, “we don’t have to tell anyone. We’ll keep it just between us. Maybe someday we’ll tell them but they don’t need to know, unless you want them to know.”

Sehun shakes his head. “No, I think that would be to much on them.”

“Okay.” He squeezes Sehun’s hand and smiles.

For the first time in a while, Sehun smiles back at him slowly. “And, um, what about our feeling for each other?”

“I’ll let you decide that.”

“Uh, well then,” Sehun flips his hand over and intertwines his fingers with Junmyeon’s , keeping his eyes locked on their hands, “I would love to start dating you. It would make me very happy to have you like that.”

With a bright smile, Junmyeon lifts Sehun’s hand and kisses it. “I’d love that.”

Sehun chuckles, “Now you can dote on me like an over protective boyfriend.”

“You’d love that wouldn’t you.”

“Maybe.” Sehun gives a half-hearted chuckle as color rushes his cheeks.

Leaning over Junmyeon places a soft kiss on his cheek. “Come on, we can sleep in my room. In the morning we’ll work everything else out and we’ll get you some help.”

“Thank you; I love you.”

“I love you, too.”


End file.
